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The Five People At Every College Party

Updated: Jun 9, 2022

What a party is like through the eyes of the DJ.

DJing any event can be fairly entertaining, but throw a bunch of party animal, stressed out college students into a nearly crumbling basement and you’ve got yourself a night for the books. Although the people at the parties aren’t always the same people, there are always these types of people at every party.

1. The Person That Just Came To Dance.

Don’t try to strike up a conversation with this person. They are too lost in the music at the moment. They know the dance moves to each and every song and they are sweating through their clothes. They don’t care who they bump into and God help you if you are doing the “Cupid Shuffle” wrong, because they will let you know about it.

2. The Person That Just Came To Creep On Women.

This is the guy who sits in the corner of the room. It’s good to see him get out of his dorm room finally, but this guy is giving off the wrong vibe. He’ll come up to the DJ stand and talk with you a bit about how good looking the women are and you make awkward small talk him until he leaves.

3. The Person Who Makes A Career Out Of Playing Beer Pong.

You haven’t seen the person miss yet. You begin to wonder if this person could make the big leagues. (There’s gotta be a league for beer pong, right?) They basically run the beer pong table all night and exchange an enormous amount of rehearsed high-fives with their partner. They are a rules stickler and aren’t afraid to scream out “elbows, bro!”

4. The Person Who Requests Terrible Songs.

This person won’t leave the DJ stand until you play their song. They drive you insane because you know the song they are requesting is a complete dud. This person will also come up and tell you to change a song mid song because they don’t happen to like it. You point to the people dancing and give them some sort of sarcastic remark. You tell them that you’ll “mix their song in soon,” but you don’t and hope that they forget…but they usually don’t.

5. The Person Who Kicks Everyone Out At The End Of The Night.

This person is your hero, baby. (Yes, I was kind of trying to quote Enrique Iglesias there.) You turn on “Closing Time” and everybody starts to make their way up the crowded and ancient stairs. The person kicking everyone out is usually the one living in the house or is one of their gigantic friends. Nobody is going to cause a fuss when you are well over 6 feet tall and weigh at least 250 pounds.

At the end of the night you look at what’s left of the basement: empty solo cups, mysterious stains you’d rather not hear the story about, discarded clothes, and a few spots where people decided to yodel the groceries. You shut down your laptop and are ever so grateful that you don’t have to be the one to clean up in the morning.

-DJ Dalton

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