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The Five People At Every Job

Updated: Jun 9, 2022

You thought you could escape them? Never.

Don't get me wrong, work life can be great. I have met some of my closest friends through work, but there are also those people that you dread working with. These people aren't necessarily terrible employees, but there's just something about them that's, well, "different."

The Newbie Who Is Clueless.

It seems like you are always training someone in. They have no idea what is going on half the time even after you have explained things to them countless times. If you didn't have a step-by-step chart on the cabinets explaining how to make coffee then this person would be completely lost. You are sure they mean well, but often times you wonder how this person was the one who was hired.

Lazy Larry/Susan.

If the building was on fire, you wonder if they would even bother getting up out of their chair. This person moans and groans about the slightest tasks and never gets their work done on time. They give you the classic line of, "I'll get it done by Monday," but you know all too well that you aren't getting that document until Wednesday.

The Ancient One.

Every day that they continue to breathe and make it in to work is a miracle. You wonder why they haven't retired yet and moved to Florida. This person normally cracks a few good jokes every now and then, but God help you if you get stuck alone in the break room with them and have to hear the same story five times. Although you may give this person a lot of flack for being so old, they are the wise wizards of the workplace and you go to them for advice because they have basically seen it all.

The One Who Always Says They Are Going To Quit.

They've told you, their spouse, the kids, the pets, the mailman, etc. They have told you on numerous occasions that this will in fact be their last week. They go through the high school senior jargon of "This will be the last time I ever...", but you know that they'll be back the next day. The only way this person is ever going to actually leave is if they get fired.

The Crazy One.

They sit quietly at their desk or work space most of the day and don't say much to anybody. They go about their daily work, but are very particular with the ways things are. If anything is out of place they will go bananas. (Yes, I spelt that right. Thanks, "Holler Back Girl.") Pencils must always be in the same place, room temperature must be 77 degrees, they go and get lunch at the same time everyday: bologna sandwich with the crusts cut off. You make awkward conversations with them about the weather and what their plans are for the weekend, but that's about it. This person can either be the quiet type or the obnoxious type. If they are the obnoxious type, everything is a big deal and they will let you know about it right away. They constantly get up in your business and you wish they were the quiet type instead.

I am sure there are some people that I missed, but there's no denying the fact that these people above do exist. I hope that you were able to put a face to each of these people at your work place. If you can't think of anyone that would fit one of them, you're probably that person.

-Dalton Hessel

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